Setting a boundary around advice | Learn Japanese in English

Sentence explanations

1. あなたとの会話を大切にしていますが、境界線を設ける必要があります。

   I value our conversations, but I need to set a boundary.

   あなたとの

   with you; connected to you

   会話

   conversation

   大切にしています

   value; cherish

   境界線

   boundary

   設ける

   set; establish

   必要があります

   there is a need; it is necessary

   More detail

   あなたとの means “with you.” Here と marks the person connected with the noun, and の links that phrase to the following noun: あなたとの会話 is “conversations with you.” Japanese often omits a pronoun when the context makes it clear; the fixed translation identifies the speaker’s intended meaning as “our conversations.” 会話 means “conversation” or “conversation(s).” It is a noun and can be used in compounds and phrases such as 会話をする (“have a conversation”). In this sentence, を marks it as the object of 大切にしています. 大切にしています expresses “value” here. Its base pattern is 大切にする (“to treat as important; to value”), with 大切 functioning as a な-type descriptive word and にする meaning “make/treat as.” しています is the polite form of している; with this expression, it presents valuing the conversations as an ongoing attitude or practice. Example: 健康を大切にしています。 — “I value my health.” 境界線 means “boundary” or “boundary line.” It is a noun: 境界 means “boundary,” and 線 means “line,” but the whole compound is the useful unit here. 境界線を設ける means “set or establish a boundary,” with を marking the boundary as the object of the verb. 設ける means “set up,” “establish,” or “provide,” depending on what follows. It is a verb whose dictionary form ends in る; the form shown here is the dictionary/non-past form used before 必要が. Example: 新しい規則を設ける。 — “We establish a new rule.” 必要があります by itself means “there is a need” or “it is necessary.” The base expression is 必要がある; あります is its polite non-past form. With 設ける before it, the pattern verb-dictionary-form + 必要がある expresses necessity: 設ける必要があります means “I need to set [one]” here, as established by the fixed translation. Example: 確認する必要があります。 — “I need to check.” The first clause is あなたとの会話を大切にしています (“I value our conversations”). The conjunction が then links it to the contrasting clause; here it corresponds to “but.” 境界線を設ける必要があります means “I need to set a boundary.” Together, the utterance means: “I value our conversations, but I need to set a boundary.”

2. 聞いています。推測するより、理解したいです。

   I'm listening. I'd rather understand than guess.

   聞いています

   am listening

   推測する

   guess

   より

   rather than; than

   理解したいです

   want to understand

   More detail

   聞いています means “I’m listening” here. The verb is 聞く (“to listen” or “to hear”); 聞いて is its て-form, and います after a て-form expresses an ongoing state or action. Thus 聞いています presents listening as in progress. The subject is understood from context rather than stated in the sentence. 推測する means “to guess” or “to infer.” 推測 is a noun meaning “guess/inference,” and する turns it into a verb. The form 推測する is the plain, non-past form, used here as the action being compared with understanding. A useful pattern is Nする, as in 勉強する (“study”) or 確認する (“check”), though those examples are separate possibilities, not part of the source sentence. より marks the standard of comparison. In the pattern AよりB, B is preferred, stronger, or selected over A; it can often be rendered “rather than A” in a sentence expressing preference. Here, 推測するより sets guessing as the alternative against which understanding is preferred. より itself does not mean “guess”; that meaning comes from the preceding 推測する. 理解したいです means “want to understand.” Its verb base is 理解する (“understand”), and 理解したい is formed from the verb’s stem 理解し plus たい, which expresses the speaker’s desire to do the action. です gives the expression a polite style. The たい form describes the speaker’s own desire here; for another person’s wishes, Japanese commonly uses a different construction rather than automatically using たい. Together, 聞いています states that the speaker is listening. 推測するより contrasts guessing with another choice, and 理解したいです states the speaker’s preference and desire to understand. The complete meaning is: “I’m listening. I’d rather understand than guess.”

3. すぐに助言をされると、本当に話を聞いてもらえていないように感じます。

   When advice comes right away, I feel like I haven't really been heard.

   すぐに

   right away

   助言

   advice

   をされると

   when subjected to it

   本当に

   really

   話

   talk

   聞いてもらえていない

   not have someone listen

   ように感じます

   feel as if

   More detail

   すぐに is an adverb meaning “right away” or “immediately.” It modifies what follows, so the timing is that the advice comes without delay. Example: すぐに返事をします。— “I’ll reply right away.” 助言 is a noun meaning “advice” or “guidance.” It can be used with する: 助言する means “to give advice.” In this sentence, it is the advice that is given to the speaker. をされると follows 助言 here. The pattern Nをされる presents the speaker as receiving or being subjected to an action expressed by Nをする; adding と gives a conditional or recurring-result meaning, “when …” or “if …”. Thus 助言をされると means “when I am given advice.” The passive reading is supported by the intended meaning, not an honorific reading. Example: 急に質問をされると、少し考えます。— “When I am suddenly asked a question, I think for a moment.” 本当に is an adverb meaning “really” or “truly.” Here it strengthens the speaker’s assessment of whether the listening has actually happened. Example: 本当に分かりません。— “I really don’t know.” 話 is a noun meaning “talk,” “what someone says,” or “a story,” depending on context. In 話を聞く, it refers to the speaker’s words or talk as something another person listens to. The exact referent is not a separately identified story here. 聞いてもらえていない is built from 聞く “listen to/hear,” the connective form 聞いて, もらえる “be able to receive the favor of someone doing something,” and negative ている, いない. 話を聞いてもらう means “have someone listen to what I say”; the potential form 聞いてもらえる means “be able to have someone listen,” and 聞いてもらえていない presents that listening as not being achieved or not being in effect. In this sentence, the natural English perspective is “not really being heard.” Example: 話を聞いてもらえないと、不安になります。— “When I can’t get anyone to listen to me, I feel anxious.” ように感じます means “feel as if” or “feel that it seems.” ように marks the content as an appearance or impression, while 感じます is the polite present form of 感じる “feel.” The form ます makes the utterance polite; it does not by itself change the time of the feeling into the past. Example: 少し遠くなったように感じます。— “I feel as if it has become a little farther away.” Together, すぐに助言をされると sets the situation: “when I am given advice right away.” 本当に話を聞いてもらえていないように感じます gives the speaker’s resulting impression: “I feel as if I haven’t really been heard.” Thus the complete utterance expresses the speaker’s feeling that immediate advice makes it seem that their words have not actually been listened to.

4. 助けるつもりでしたが、どう受け取られたかは分かります。

   I meant to help, but I can see how it landed.

   助ける

   help

   つもりでしたが

   meant to, but

   どう受け取られたか

   how it was received

   分かります

   I can see

   More detail

   助ける is the dictionary form of the verb meaning “to help.” In 助けるつもり, it stays in this plain form because it modifies つもり (“intention”): the pattern verb-dictionary form + つもり expresses an intention to do something. For example, 明日行くつもりです。 means “I intend to go tomorrow.” つもりでしたが combines つもり (“intention”) with the polite past form でした of です, followed by が (“but”). Here, 助けるつもりでした presents helping as the speaker’s intention, while が contrasts that intention with the following point. The past form presents that intention as belonging to the situation being discussed; it does not by itself say whether the help actually happened. つもりはありません is a useful contrast meaning “I have no intention of doing it.” どう受け取られたか asks how something was received or interpreted. 受け取られた is the past passive form of 受け取る (“receive; take”), and in this context the intended sense is “was taken/interpreted.” どう means “how,” and か closes the embedded question: どう受け取られたか is literally “how it was received.” The passive form does not identify the receiver here; the sentence focuses on how the speaker’s action or message was interpreted. For example, その言葉がどう受け取られたかは分かりません。 means “I don’t know how those words were received.” 分かります is the polite nonpast form of 分かる, “understand” or “know.” With an embedded question ending in か, どう受け取られたかは分かります means “I can understand/see how it was received.” The nonpast form states the speaker’s present ability to recognize this, even though the receiving or interpreting happened in the past. 分かりません is the negative counterpart, “I don’t know” or “I can’t tell.” Together, 助けるつもりでしたが says “I meant to help, but,” and どう受け取られたかは分かります says “I can see how it was received.” The full utterance therefore acknowledges the intention to help while also recognizing the way that intention was interpreted. The polite forms make the statement suitable for a respectful conversation.

5. 提案をされる前に、質問をしてほしいことがあります。

   Sometimes I need questions before suggestions.

   提案

   suggestion(s)

   される

   be made to someone

   前に

   before

   質問

   question(s)

   してほしい

   want someone to do it

   ことがあります

   there is something

   More detail

   提案 means “suggestion” or “proposal.” It is a noun and can combine with する to make 提案する, “to suggest” or “to propose.” Here, 提案を marks suggestions in the passive construction. Example: 新しい方法を提案する。 — “I suggest a new method.” される is the passive form of する in this construction. 提案をされる presents the affected person as receiving suggestions or having suggestions made to them; the person making them is not stated. The active form is する, “do” or, with 提案, “make a suggestion.” Example: 変更を提案されました。 — “I was offered a change.” 前に means “before.” 前 is a noun meaning “front” or “before,” and に marks the relevant time or point. The pattern V-る前に means “before doing V”; a noun can also occur before 前に, as in 会議の前に — “before the meeting.” Here, 提案をされる前に means “before receiving suggestions.” 質問 means “question.” It is a noun and can combine with する: 質問する means “ask a question,” while 質問をする is also used. Here, 質問を marks questions as the object of asking. Example: 質問をします。 — “I will ask a question.” してほしい expresses a desire for someone else to do an action. It consists of する in its て-form, して, plus ほしい; the resulting pattern V-てほしい means “want someone to V.” The person desired to act can be marked with に, but it is not stated here. Thus 質問をしてほしい means “want someone to ask questions,” not “want to ask questions.” Example: もう一度説明してほしい。 — “I want you to explain it again.” ことがあります literally presents a matter or thing as existing. Although V-ることがあります can mean “sometimes do V” when it follows an ordinary plain-form verb, that is not the function here. In してほしいことがあります, the preceding desire is turned into a matter: “there is something I want someone to do.” The fixed translation expresses the resulting need as “Sometimes I need questions.” Putting the parts together, 提案をされる前に sets the timing: “before receiving suggestions.” 質問をしてほしい states the desired action: “want someone to ask questions.” ことがあります presents that desired action as a matter the speaker has. Together, with the fixed translation, the utterance means: “Sometimes I need questions before suggestions.”

6. もっともなお願いですし、尊重できます。

   That's a fair request, and I can respect it.

   もっともな

   fair; reasonable

   お願い

   request

   ですし

   and; besides, it is

   尊重できます

   can respect

   More detail

   もっともな means “fair” or “reasonable” here. It is the noun-modifying form of the な-adjective もっともだ: もっともなお願い (“a reasonable request”). Example: それはもっともな意見です。—“That is a reasonable opinion.” お願い is a noun meaning “request” here. お- is a polite prefix, and 願い is related to 願う (“to wish; to request”), but お願い functions as a noun in this sentence. Example: お願いがあります。—“I have a request.” ですし connects the first statement with the next one. です is the polite copula, and し adds another point or a reason; here it is naturally translated as “and.” It follows the noun phrase もっともなお願い, making “It is a reasonable request” the first part of the utterance. Example: 今日は休日ですし、家にいます。—“It is a day off, and besides, I will stay home.” 尊重できます means “can respect.” The base verb is 尊重する (“to respect; to value”). Its potential form is 尊重できる, and the polite form observed here is 尊重できます. This expresses the speaker’s ability to respect the understood object; the fixed translation identifies that object as “it,” referring to the request. Example: その考えを尊重できます。—“I can respect that idea.” Together, もっともなお願いですし presents “it is a fair/reasonable request,” while 尊重できます adds “I can respect it.” The complete utterance is therefore: “That’s a fair request, and I can respect it.” The polite forms suit a respectful conversation.

7. 本当に助言が欲しいときは、私からもはっきり伝えます。

   I'll also tell you clearly when I actually want advice.

   本当に

   really; actually

   助言

   advice

   欲しい

   want; desire

   とき

   when; time

   私からも

   from me as well

   はっきり

   clearly

   伝えます

   tell; convey

   More detail

   本当に is an adverb meaning “really” or, in this sentence, “actually.” It modifies the desire expressed in the following clause, so the condition is genuine wanting of advice. A useful contrast is 本当に必要です — “It is really necessary.” 助言 is a noun meaning “advice” or “guidance.” In 助言が欲しい, it is marked by が, while 欲しい describes the speaker’s desire for it. 助言を求める is another useful pattern meaning “to seek advice,” but it is a different construction. 欲しい is an i-adjective meaning “want” or “desire” when used for something the speaker wants. Its base form is 欲しい; the polite form is 欲しいです, and its negative form is 欲しくない — “do not want.” In this sentence, 助言が欲しい means “want advice.” とき is a noun meaning “time” or “when.” The pattern ～ときは makes the situation in the preceding clause the topic or condition: 必要なときは means “when it is necessary.” Here, 本当に助言が欲しいときは means “when I actually want advice.” The form 欲しい appears before とき to describe that situation. 私からも combines 私 (“I/me”), から (“from”), and も (“also/as well”). In this context it means “from me as well” or “I, too,” indicating that the speaker will communicate clearly from their own side. も adds the sense of “also”; it does not by itself state how many other people are involved. For example, 私からも連絡します means “I’ll contact you too.” はっきり is an adverb meaning “clearly” or “explicitly.” It describes the manner of 伝えます, so the speaker will make the message clear rather than leave the desire implicit. はっきり話します means “I speak clearly.” 伝えます is the polite nonpast form of 伝える, “to tell,” “to convey,” or “to communicate.” The nonpast form can describe a future action here, because the condition is presented as a situation in which the speaker will communicate. 伝える takes the content being conveyed, while the recipient can be marked with に when specified, as in 相手に伝えます — “I tell the other person.” Together, 本当に助言が欲しいときは sets the condition “when I actually want advice.” 私からも adds “from me as well,” and はっきり伝えます means “I will communicate it clearly.” The whole utterance therefore means: “I’ll also tell you clearly when I actually want advice.”

8. そうしてもらえると、あなたが必要とする形で対応しやすくなります。

   That will help me respond in the way you need.

   そうしてもらえると

   if you can have that done for you

   あなたが

   you

   必要とする

   need; require

   形

   way; form

   対応

   response; handling

   しやすくなります

   becomes easy to do

   More detail

   そうしてもらえると combines そう (“that way/that”) with してもらう, a pattern in which the speaker receives the benefit of someone doing an action. もらえる is the potential form of もらう, so this wording presents being able to have that action done; in context, it is naturally understood as “if you can do that for me.” The と conditional marks the result that follows. そう refers to an understood action rather than naming it again. あなたが marks あなた (“you”) as the subject inside the following clause. The particle が does not by itself make あなた the subject of the main clause. 必要とする is a verb meaning “need” or “require.” Its nonpast form modifies the noun that follows: あなたが必要とする形 means “the form or way that you need.” The subject あなた is the one who needs it, while 形 is what is needed. Example: 彼が必要とする情報 means “the information he needs.” 形 literally refers to a form or shape, but here it means a way or form of responding. A clause can modify a noun in this way, so 必要とする形 is a compact pattern for “the form that [someone] needs.” 対応 is a noun meaning a response or handling of a situation. It combines with する to form the verb 対応する, meaning “to respond” or “to deal with.” In this sentence, 対応し is the continuative form used before やすい. しやすくなります contains しやすい (“easy to do”) and なります (“becomes”). やすい attaches to the continuative form of a verb: 読みやすい means “easy to read,” and 使いやすい means “easy to use.” Here, 対応しやすくなる means “become easier to respond or deal with”; なります is its polite nonpast form. Example: この説明なら理解しやすくなります。 means “With this explanation, it becomes easier to understand.” Together, そうしてもらえると sets up the condition, あなたが必要とする形で specifies the way of responding, and 対応しやすくなります gives the resulting benefit. The whole utterance means: “That will help me respond in the way you need.”