Setting a boundary around advice | Learn Japanese in English

Japanese lesson set in a contemporary Tokyo everyday setting: In daily life, two adults set a boundary around immediate advice and agree to use questions before suggestions unless advice is requested..

EN → JA / Level: B2

About This Lesson

Use Setting a boundary around advice to practice Japanese conversation, pronunciation, vocabulary, grammar, and quizzes.

Dialogue

A

あなたとの会話を大切にしていますが、境界線を設ける必要があります。

ah-NAH-tah toh-noh KAH-ee-wah oh tie-SEH-tsu nee shee-TEH ee-mah-soo gah, kyoh-KAH-ee-sen oh MOH-keh-roo hee-TSOO-yoh gah ah-ree-MAH-soo I value our conversations, but I need to set a boundary.
B

聞いています。推測するより、理解したいです。

KEE-teh ee-MAH-soo. swee-SOH-koo soo-roo yoh-ree, ree-KAH-ee shee-TAH-ee deh-soo I'm listening. I'd rather understand than guess.
A

すぐに助言をされると、本当に話を聞いてもらえていないように感じます。

soo-GOO-nee JOH-gen oh sah-REH-roo toh, hohn-TOH-nee hah-NAH-shee oh KEE-teh moh-rah-eh-TEH ee-NAH-ee yoh-oh-nee KAHN-jee-MAH-soo When advice comes right away, I feel like I haven't really been heard.
B

助けるつもりでしたが、どう受け取られたかは分かります。

tah-SOO-keh-roo tsoo-MOH-ree deh-SHEE-tah gah, doh-oh oo-keh-toh-rah-REH-tah kah wah WAH-kah-ree-MAH-soo I meant to help, but I can see how it landed.
A

提案をされる前に、質問をしてほしいことがあります。

teh-EE-ahn oh sah-REH-roo MAH-eh nee, shee-TSOO-mon oh shee-TEH hoh-SHEE KOH-toh gah ah-ree-MAH-soo Sometimes I need questions before suggestions.
B

もっともなお願いですし、尊重できます。

MOHT-toh-MOH-nah oh-neh-GAI deh-soo shee, sohn-CHOH deh-kee-MAH-soo That's a fair request, and I can respect it.
A

本当に助言が欲しいときは、私からもはっきり伝えます。

hohn-TOH-nee JOH-gen gah hoh-SHEE-ee toh-KEE wah, wah-TAH-shee kah-rah moh hahk-KEE-ree tsoo-TAH-eh-MAH-soo I'll also tell you clearly when I actually want advice.
B

そうしてもらえると、あなたが必要とする形で対応しやすくなります。

soh-oh shee-TEH moh-rah-eh-ROO toh, ah-NAH-tah gah hee-TSOO-yoh toh soo-ROO KAH-tah-chee deh tie-OH shee-YAH-soo-koo nah-ree-MAH-soo That will help me respond in the way you need.

Word by Word

あなた あなた means “you” here, referring to the person being addressed. In the dialogue, it identifies the other person in あなたとの会話. This is useful when speaking directly to someone, although names or titles are also commonly used instead.
と と connects あなた with 会話 in あなたとの会話, giving the meaning “conversation with you.” Here it marks the person associated with the conversation. A useful pattern is [person]と[名詞] for something done or shared with someone.
の の links あなた and 会話 in あなたとの会話, showing the relationship between them. It helps form the phrase “your conversation” or “a conversation with you” in this context. A common reuse pattern is [名詞]の[名詞] to connect two nouns.
会話 会話 means “conversation” in あなたとの会話. It refers to the ongoing exchange between the two adults, not just one spoken sentence. Use it when discussing conversations with another person, such as a conversation at work or with a friend.
を を marks 会話 as the thing treated as important in 会話を大切にしています. It identifies the object connected to the action or expression that follows. A useful pattern is [名詞]を[動作・評価の表現].
大切 大切 means “valuable” or “important” in 会話を大切にしています. Together with にして, it expresses treating the conversations as something important. This is useful when telling someone that a relationship, object, or experience matters to you.
に に helps turn 大切 into the manner or result used with して in 大切にしています. The expression 大切にする means to value or take good care of something. A useful pattern is [名詞]を大切にする for saying that someone values something.
して して is the connecting form used in 大切にしています, where it contributes to the expression 大切にする, “to value.” It connects that action to います, which presents the valuing as an ongoing state here. Use the pattern [名詞]を大切にしている when describing something someone continues to value.
います います in 大切にしています shows that valuing the conversations is an ongoing state, expressed politely. It completes the ongoing expression 大切にしています rather than meaning “exist” by itself here. This form is useful for politely describing an action or state that continues.
が が connects the two parts of the sentence in 会話を大切にしていますが、境界線を設ける必要があります. Here it creates a contrast: valuing the conversations while still needing a boundary. Use it to link a positive or acknowledged point with a contrasting request or statement.
境界線 境界線 means “boundary” in 境界線を設ける. It refers to a limit the speaker wants to establish around advice in the conversation. Use it when discussing a personal, social, or practical boundary.
設ける 設ける means “to set” or “establish” in 境界線を設ける. It describes intentionally creating a boundary rather than merely noticing one. A useful pattern is [名詞]を設ける when establishing a rule, limit, or opportunity.
必要 必要 means “need” or “necessity” in 境界線を設ける必要があります. It says that establishing the boundary is necessary for the speaker. A common pattern is [動作]必要がある for saying that an action needs to be taken.
あります あります in 必要があります expresses that a need exists, giving the polite meaning “there is a need to.” It is part of the construction 境界線を設ける必要があります, not a statement that the boundary already exists. Use [動作]必要があります to state a necessary action politely.
聞いて 聞いて is the connecting form in 聞いています, meaning “listening” in this reply. It presents B as currently paying attention to A. A useful pattern is [人]の話を聞いています when saying that you are listening to someone.
推測 推測 means “guess” or “inference” in 推測するより. It refers to forming an idea without first making sure it is understood. Use it in situations where someone is inferring an answer, intention, or situation from limited information.
する する means “do” in 推測する, forming the expression “to guess” or “to infer.” Here it is followed by より to compare guessing with understanding. A useful pattern is [名詞]する for actions formed from noun-like words such as 推測.
より より marks the comparison in 推測するより理解したいです, meaning “rather than guessing.” It sets 推測する as the option the speaker does not prefer and 理解したい as the preferred aim. A useful pattern is [動作]より[別の希望・選択] when choosing one action over another.
理解 理解 means “understanding” in 理解したいです. With する, it expresses the action of understanding what the other person means. Use it when discussing whether a situation, explanation, or person’s feelings have been understood.
したい したい in 理解したいです means “want to do,” and here expresses the speaker’s wish to understand. It is attached to 理解する, so the exact phrase means “want to understand.” A useful pattern is [動作]したいです for politely stating what you want to do.
です です politely completes 理解したいです, making the statement sound courteous. Here it presents the speaker’s preference as a polite declaration rather than a command. It commonly follows a polite statement about a wish, description, or judgment.
すぐに すぐに means “right away” in すぐに助言をされると. It emphasizes that the advice arrives immediately, before the speaker feels heard. Use it when describing an action that happens without delay.
助言 助言 means “advice” in 助言をされる and 助言が欲しい. It refers to guidance offered to help someone decide or act. Use it when discussing advice in a serious or somewhat formal conversation.
される される in 助言をされる presents the speaker as receiving advice from someone else. In this dialogue, it focuses on what happens to the speaker when advice is given immediately. A useful pattern is [名詞]をされる when describing an action directed toward or experienced by the speaker.
本当に 本当に means “really” or “truly” in 本当に話を聞いてもらえていないように感じます. It emphasizes that the speaker feels genuinely unheard. Use it to strengthen a statement about a real feeling, condition, or degree.
話 話 means “talk” or “what someone is saying” in 話を聞いてもらえていない. It refers to the speaker’s words or account that the other person is expected to listen to. Use it in expressions about listening to, telling, or discussing someone’s talk.
もらえて もらえて in 話を聞いてもらえていない expresses receiving the benefit of having someone listen to the speaker’s talk. Together with いない, it says that this helpful action does not feel as though it is happening. A useful pattern is [動作]てもらう when someone does something for you.
いない いない in 話を聞いてもらえていない makes the expression negative, saying that the speaker does not feel they are having their talk listened to. It works with もらえて to describe the absence of the expected helpful action. Use it when stating that an ongoing or expected state is not present.
よう よう in いないように感じます helps express “feel as if” or “feel like.” The speaker feels as though they have not really been heard, without presenting that feeling as an objective fact. A useful pattern is [文]ように感じる for describing how a situation seems to you.
感じます 感じます means “feel” in いないように感じます. It frames the statement as the speaker’s personal experience of the conversation. Use it when politely describing an emotional reaction or personal impression.
助ける 助ける means “help” in 助けるつもりでした. It names the action B intended to carry out through the advice. Use it when stating an intention to help a person with a problem or situation.
つもり つもり means “intention” in 助けるつもりでした. The phrase says that helping was B’s intention, even though the advice was received differently. A useful pattern is [動作]つもりです when explaining what you intend to do.
でした でした politely places 助けるつもり in the past, giving the meaning “was my intention.” It refers to B’s intention at the time the advice was offered. Use it to describe a past intention or state politely.
どう どう means “how” in どう受け取られたかは分かります. It asks about the manner or interpretation of how something was received. Use it before a verb when asking or referring to how an action or event occurred.
受け取られた 受け取られた in どう受け取られたか refers to how B’s action was received or interpreted by A. The form presents the reception of the advice from the receiver’s perspective and places it in the past. Use it when discussing how words, actions, or intentions were understood by another person.
か か in どう受け取られたか turns the preceding clause into an embedded question: “how it was received.” It is followed by は分かります, so B says that this point is understandable. A useful pattern is [疑問詞を含む文]か分かる for saying that you understand an indirect question.
は は in どう受け取られたかは分かります marks the embedded question as the topic being understood. It gives the sense “as for how it was received, I understand.” Use it to set a topic or create a contrast within a sentence.
分かります 分かります means “understand” or “see” in どう受け取られたかは分かります. Here B acknowledges that B can understand how the advice came across to A. Use it when recognizing another person’s perspective or making clear that something is understood.
提案 提案 means “suggestion” in 提案をされる前に. It refers to an idea or possible action offered to the speaker. Use it when discussing suggestions in a conversation, meeting, or problem-solving situation.
前 前 in 提案をされる前に means “before,” referring to the time before a suggestion is given. It places asking questions earlier in the conversation. A useful pattern is [動作]前に for an action that happens before another action.
質問 質問 means “question” in 質問をしてほしい. It refers to questions A wants B to ask before making suggestions. Use it when requesting clarification or inviting someone to explain more about a situation.
ほしい ほしい in 質問をしてほしい expresses that A wants the other person to ask questions. It describes the speaker’s desired action by the other person, not a desire to possess a thing. A useful pattern is [人]に[動作]てほしい when asking someone to do something.
こと こと in 質問をしてほしいことがあります turns the desired action into a matter or point that exists: “there are times when I want you to ask questions.” It helps present the request in a softer, less direct way. Use [動作]てほしいことがある when explaining that you have such a request or need.
もっともな もっともな means “fair” or “reasonable” in もっともなお願い. It shows that B considers A’s request justified. Use it when acknowledging that someone’s request or explanation makes sense.
お願い お願い means “request” in もっともなお願い. It refers to A’s request about asking questions before making suggestions. Use it when making or acknowledging a polite request.
し し in もっともなお願いですし、尊重できます connects the request being reasonable with B’s ability to respect it. Here it adds another supporting point rather than simply joining two unrelated actions. Use し to present an additional reason, fact, or consideration.
尊重 尊重 means “respect” in 尊重できます. It describes accepting and honoring the boundary or request. Use it when saying that you will take another person’s wishes, rights, or limits seriously.
できます できます means “can” or “be able to” in 尊重できます. Together with 尊重, it says that B is able to respect the request. Use [動作]できます to state politely that an action is possible or within your ability.
欲しい 欲しい in 助言が欲しい means “want” when the desired thing is advice. It describes A’s desire to receive advice at a particular time. Use [名詞]が欲しい when saying that you want a thing or type of help.
き き appears as the final part of とき in 欲しいとき, meaning “when” or “at the time.” It places the desire for advice in a particular situation: when A actually wants it. Use the time expression [動作・状態]とき when referring to when something happens.
私 私 means “I” or “me” in 私からも. It identifies A as the person who will communicate clearly when advice is wanted. Use it when explicitly marking yourself as the source or participant in a statement.
から から in 私からも means “from” or “by,” showing that the message will come from A. It emphasizes A’s responsibility to state clearly when advice is wanted. A useful pattern is 私から伝える for saying that you will communicate something yourself.
も も in 私からも means “also” or “too.” It adds A’s promise to communicate clearly to the request already made about asking questions. Use it when adding another person, action, or fact to something previously mentioned.
はっきり はっきり means “clearly” in はっきり伝えます. It says that A will communicate the desire for advice in an unmistakable way. Use it when you want to emphasize clarity in speech, writing, or decisions.
伝えます 伝えます means “tell” or “communicate” in はっきり伝えます. Here A promises to communicate clearly when advice is actually wanted. Use it with information, feelings, intentions, or requests that you want another person to know.
そう そう in そうしてもらえると refers to the action just described: clearly telling B when advice is wanted. It means “that way” or “if that is done” in this context. Use it to refer back to an immediately preceding action or situation.
もらえる もらえる in そうしてもらえると expresses being able to receive the helpful action of having A communicate clearly. In the whole expression, this makes it easier for B to respond appropriately. A useful pattern is [動作]てもらえると when describing how someone’s action will help you.
形 形 means “form” or “way” in あなたが必要とする形で対応しやすくなります. It refers to the manner of responding that matches what A needs, not a physical shape. Use it when describing the form or way in which support, communication, or a response is provided.
で で in 形で対応しやすくなります marks the way or manner in which the response is made. It connects “in the needed way” with responding. A useful pattern is [方法・形]で[動作] for describing how an action is carried out.
対応 対応 means “response” or “handling” in 対応しやすくなります. It refers to B’s way of responding to A’s needs in the conversation. Use it when discussing how someone handles a request, situation, or person.
しやすく しやすく in 対応しやすくなります means “easy to respond” or “easier to handle.” It describes the response as becoming easier because A will communicate the need clearly. A useful pattern is [動作]しやすい for saying that an action is easy to do.
なります なります in 対応しやすくなります means “become” or “come to be.” It shows a change into the easier condition described by 対応しやすく. Use [状態]くなる or [動作]しやすくなる when saying that something becomes easier or changes in quality.

Grammar Points

Vて＋もらえていない

話を聞いてもらえていない

hah-NAH-shee oh KEE-teh moh-rah-eh-TEH ee-NAH-ee

have not really been heard

This pattern expresses that someone has not received the benefit of another person's action, often with a negative result.

Vます-stem＋やすくなる

対応しやすくなります

tie-OH shee-YAH-soo-koo nah-ree-MAH-soo

become easier to respond

やすくなる means that an action becomes easier to do. The verb uses its ます-stem before やすくなる.

Japanese Vocabulary

すぐに adv
soo-GOO-nee right away; immediately

すぐに助言をされると

会話 noun
KAH-ee-wah conversation

あなたとの会話

境界線 noun
kyoh-KAH-ee-sen boundary

境界線を設ける

助ける verb
tah-SOO-keh-roo help

助けるつもりでした

助言 noun
JOH-gen advice

すぐに助言をされると

推測する verb
swee-SOH-koo soo-roo guess; speculate

推測するより

設ける verb
MOH-keh-roo set; establish

境界線を設ける必要があります

大切にしています verb
tie-SEH-tsu nee shee-TEH ee-mah-soo value; treasure

あなたとの会話を大切にしています

聞いています verb
KEE-teh ee-MAH-soo am listening

聞いています

本当に adv
hohn-TOH-nee really; truly

本当に話を聞いてもらえていない

理解したい verb
ree-KAH-ee shee-TAH-ee want to understand

理解したいです

話を聞いてもらえていない phrase
hah-NAH-shee oh KEE-teh moh-rah-eh-TEH ee-NAH-ee have not really been heard

本当に話を聞いてもらえていないように感じます

Quiz

Spelling

Tap the letters to spell the word.

want to understand

Show Answer理解したい

guess; speculate

Show Answer推測する

value; treasure

Show Answer大切にしています

am listening

Show Answer聞いています